Happiness

Anyway, I just wanted to say how lucky I feel today, I know how things can go pear shaped (Scared the pants off myself by doing my tarot cards the other night) (I know I should give up all that bollocks but I have been doing it too long to give it up completely!) I got the tower....Loads of people flinging themselves out of a burning building. So I did them another 5 times until I got a nice card and felt happy again. Tarots, schmarots.

So, yes, happy is what I am, I am feeling content that I am pregnant, that I can stroke my tummy and know that my little bean is floating in there doing somersaults (hopefully anyway).

I am cutting down the hormones slowly in the run up to my 12 week mark on April 26th ( 4 days before my birthday). I am scared but excited too, 12 weeks can be a dodgy time placenta wise, but I am keeping everything crossed that I will be able to sustain it myself, only then will it begin to feel natural, like it is part of me, so this part, I am excited about, as it is probably glaringly obvious, I really do want to be a mother more than anything in the universe and I am sure there are a zilion women who feel the same, but for me to of got this far is sooo amazing, I have wanted this for so long, I really am so happy for me and G, and so proud of my uterus, it has done a stirling job so far I just hope it will be happy with stretching a little more.....

I have a scan and obs appointment at my local hospital (I know! wonders will never cease), on May 4th, so will see what the Obs have to say, I emailed GOSH to send me details of their concerns to take with me, just so that they don't think I am expecting silver service for no reason.

Work are giving me time for my appointments ( by law they should anyway) but I feel sorry for the Headmistress, she has such a lot of hassle recently and me having a bean in the bakery is probably another twig for the donkeys back. ( I am sure she would love that analogy). I could tell by her face, she is not feeling the joy over it all.

I wish all those ladies who are embarking on egg donation all the happiness and smugness I feel at the moment, I know for some of you your journey was after you had your own children and so is a brave and difficult choice for you to make, but I am sure you will feel as happy and serene as I do and that your bean is as much part of you as the uterus in your belly.