Can you take anymore?

I don't know whether I can take anymore myself!

I feel I have had more white knuckle experiences in the last two days than a whole year of Alton Tower rides.

Finally got to the UCLH today, what a wonderful hospital, brand new, I felt like I was abroad!

OK, cut to the chase.

Doctor, wonderful woman, discusses my past medical history takes time to give some TLC and tactfully places the monitor so that only she can see it after hearing my miscarriage story.

I lie in the familiar stirrups heart pounding, I look at the ceiling, she asks me about previous scans and I start to tell her about the one at 6 weeks and seeing the heartbeat.

'Well' she says 'You still have a baby with a heartbeat' and she turns the screen round, it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it (hormones probably!)

I started to cry, quite alot, more than I thought I would if it was bad news.

'Look it's sucking it's thumb, ' sure enough the baby was sucking a limb bud or whatever they call it.

The doctor prints out a picture, I am beside myself in disbelief,

'Oooh look you can see the face,' the baby turns round and faces me.

I just can't believe it.

'Lets print another one out for mummy shall we' the doctor says ( thinking they were talking about my mother waiting in the waiting room but realising it was ME she was referring to!).

I am beside myself but eventually calm down.

I cannot believe the extremes we have been through in the last couple of days. Now I amm looking at a little bean bobbing around, resembling a baby, flinging it's arms and legs about, doing back flips. I still can't believe it. It was like it was saying 'Woopee mummy look what I can do'!

The doctor checked my ovaries too and said they are small but she found one egg in there.

fetus is measured at 9 weeks and 1 day ! (not sure how that happens as not 9 weeks until Thursday, maybe it is the hormones turning it into 'Super Fetus' or something.

Doctor summises it could have been a bit of the vaginal plug coming away. (How lovely) she explains that this can sometimes be gritty and cartillage like, or it was the other embryo that didn't form. We will never know.

Oh the relief, oh the joy, Oh the disbelief! It is like it was someones elses scan I was looking at.


Am exhausted from all the ups and downs, I just hope it isn't always going to be so worrying, but unfortunately my bets are on me losing faith at least another twenty million times.

I did my tarot cards yesterday and they said 'I must learn not to be fearful and should trust what the universe has in store for me'

So I bought the universe a bunch of flowers today!


Good on yer universe.....

Here's one of those ticker things that I never thought I would be using.......