I am worried again!

I have had more spotting, red and well, it's worrying it went and came back again.

I am beginning to get a bad feeling again, I have read so many conflicting stories about spotting, 'nothing to worry about' 'the start of a miscarriage' 'Had this just before a torrent of blood came out of me.....'

This is almost as bad as waiting for the treatment. I am going into work tomorrow and I am beginning to concern myself with the fact I may start bleeding or something awful.

Just the thought of having to go through what the last year has been for us all again, paying off the loan, getting back into the que, begging for favours off the NHS, it really scares me.

The nurse in Spain Ruth, doesn't seem to be too worried she thinks I may have an irritation and said if it continues to increase my dose of progesterone as it could be my body needing more (if there is two, I suppose it would need more). I don't know what to believe, I am going to try and forget about it, and just live my life without being consumed by whats going on inside my uterus.

We saw G's family today, they are talking as if it is a done deal the babies coming and stuff, even suggesting that November is a good time for them to be born for schools. I am scared to think further than tomorrow at the moment.

They aren't babies yet, they are still blobs or one blob....or none.

Scared to even go to the toilet.

I want my sanity back, I have been brain washed by my self.

Just got to ride it through I guess.

x