She is still hanging in there, obviously too snuggly in hotel uterus. I really want to get things moving now. I have enjoyed every moment of this magical pregnancy and I am sure I will miss it when she is finally here and I am bleary eyed and hormonal, but I want to go for it now. I hope I don't run over due.
Knowing my luck could be the case, having said that my mother had me on the dot so maybe I will be the same, all the naughty business and hot thai curries won't shift her if she doesn't want to come out, she is one comfy baby.
I have been thinking alot about what she is going to look like, I even crazily googled 'Spanish Donors' in the google image search, why? What did I think I would find, a complete write up of the donors family history and a big picture of her! Weirdly enough there was a link to my blog, perhaps some kind of divine message.
I pawed over the email sent to me from spain when they found me the donor, brown eyes, straight medium/light brown hair, fair/medium complexion, likes theatre, art and food. The theatre, the art and food appealed to me as I enjoy these things ( I realise it all runs alot deeper than this in many ways, nature nurture etc), but that is all I have, it's not that I am cut up about it, but I guess the reality is always there, that we will never know, but I know for us that is the best way ultimately. There is an empty space at the front of the baby's journal I have been keeping, the bit where it is the babies family tree, I have been very honest in the journal, and have included pictures of where we stayed in spain, the hospital and everything, but the family tree makes me feel alittle bit sad, and I did allow myself a little cry the other day, my mother and father are both keen on family history and have delved into the depths of their pasts with great vigour and enjoyment, visited landmarks of ancestors and relatives from yesteryear.
The joy of having our baby vastly outweighs the sadness and I will honestly fill in the family tree with facts, but I do wish they could completely be part of my gene pool so that I can share the past as my mother does with me. We will visit Spain though and will visit my family's history regardless, she feels like she is part of me and my love will be the same, but I feel sad for her in away too, I hope she will be happy about how she came to be. That is all I want for her future really.
Labels: the childs possible feelings regarding egg donation