final countdown - 38th week.

The time has almost come, and I can't stop spending, my credit card is going to burst into flames at any moment.

The babies room has become mummies den, poor g is just expected to bang nails in and do heavy work as and when required while I totter about the internet spending money on 'finishing touches', money I haven't got!

The baby has been moving alot in the evening and have had quite a few braxton hicks, it is so surreal to think we are so close to holding our little one in our arms (fingers crossed).

All in all this ED pregnancy has been fantastic apart from the blips in the first 4 months. I feel so humble to of been given this opportunity to be a mum. Next hurdle will be explaining to our child the whole story, but when they are ready, this blog may help, along with child friendly books early on.

I do have fear like a dull flicker in the back of a corner in the tiniest bit of my little mind. Hoping that baby and I will come through the birth alright, I am sure it is natural to have such fears, but it's the old cliche of worrying about my past and how it effected my body, will my rickety old frame stand up to it, will my sensitive bits bleed abit too much. Will baby get distressed.

For now I just want to be serene and hope that I get my floaty birth in water with no probs, although I am sure things will not go as planned as they rarely do with birth, so I am told, but I am finally beginning to feel ready, there is a big space for our baby waiting like another uterus outside, cosy, soft lights, and loads of comfy things for mummy and daddy to sit and be with her, to sleep with her and to love her so very much.

She will have a spanish middle name and there will be lots of spanish to learn about and to enjoy, the buggy is even spanish! We won't forget where and how our baby was given to us, but she will be our baby and we can't wait to see her.