Nice Hospital Staff - 28 weeks (+3 days)

Well it is definately there and growing and looking like a baby bump as oppose to looking like I have just consumed my body weight in pies, although my body weight in drumsticks and refreshers could be consumed without any problem at the moment but my teeth are suffering ( not to mention the e numbers for the baby) and I have to try and restrain myself and draw a line to the 'going with what my body cries out for' excuse.

Went for 28 week scan on Friday, everything fine, enough fluid, heart pumping away everything where it should be, baby definately not conforming, back to us, legs crossed in typical fetal position and feet hiding the crucial piece of evidence, they are trying to tell us something and so is everyone we talk to when we say we want to know the sex, 'Well we just wanted a healthy baby, that didn't matter to us'

(let me just go into a corner and hide my head in shame how dare I be so callous, of course the babies health matters more than anything else in the world and we really don't care whether it is a boy or a girl, but we would like to know if possible......she says coyly feeling immense guilt and beating herself several times on the back with a rolled up copy of mother and baby, 'bad mummy, bad mummy')

Perhaps the baby has tuned into my credit card frequency(?) and has sensed my desire to use it in Monsoon in the sale for the little dresses teasingly hanging in all of their netted pretty glory ( yes from 0 - 3 months!) begging me to buy them and has decided, for my own good, that knowing their sex would open up a whole pandoras box of spending one way or the other. Once baby comes I will be too knackered and will not care what the cuteness factor of the clothes are and whether it was bought by mummy or not (although I am buying the first cuddly toy come hell or high water, just won't be the pretty rag dolls I have seen I guess) (but how sexist....more guilt) so baby is wise and knows it's mummy too well already.

At the antenatal clinic appointment I saw another doctor I had never seen before and who hadn't read my notes and when he asked me whether I had any questions I got everything off my chest, my concerns at not seeing the person I am under since being pregnant (he told me she was on leave, but I heard her talking to another couple in the lobby), having to explain to everyone that I do see, why I am having certain checks etc etc, felt better afterwards but also felt like I have to let go, leeeeeeeeeeet go.

They after all are ALL professionals, probably dealing with real problem pregnancies, looking after people who haven't had it easy, who are in real danger. i have to dismount the soap box and trust in the NHS, and trust that my body can do this, that if it's going to be natural then they must think my body can cope with it, I have got to stop living my pregnancy through my past medical history, stop harping back to concerns GOSH made years ago, things have changed and they are checking me, that is the main thing they are monitoring me, I have to be nice and appreciate all that is being done and not give them a hard time, their jobs are demanding enough without me rattling off my paranoia.

There is also a consideration that there is an element of guilt that I had egg donation IVF and perhaps they look upon this as taking the place of a 'normal' pregnancy, eating up funds that someone else could use, I am sure this is not the case but it is there in the depths of the back of my mind, but I guess if they don't read my notes then perhaps they may not even pick up on this.

Anyway, so far all has been fine, kidneys, ticker (paranoia - not quite so good). So I have a new resolve, let the poor bastards just get on with their job, lets face it, they do a great one really given what they have to put up with.

A leap of faith into the hands of those who mean to do well. I shall just continue doing my bit, eating healthy (ok maybe the refreshers aren't included in that bit) doing exercise, drinking water (when I remember) and trying not to freak out about my body and it's ability to give birth naturally.

Breathe in Love for the NHS breathe out a desire to refer them to my exhaustive notes everytime I see them.


x

(I am nice and do think happy thoughts)!