Helping your self.

The red did not re appear over night, but in the morning I went to the loo, pink.......wipe....pink.....wipe a sudden rush of red....I suddenly became overwhelmed with worry that something was definately wrong.


I had been going through my maternity records, half of which I had to fill in myself as the midwife had forgotten to fill them in and had put the wrong patient number on.


Anyway I knew what number to call when I needed to ask for help, as it was stuck on the front of the notes, labelled pregnancy queries.

I phoned the hospital.

'Yes maternity ward' Cripes I wasn't expecting an answer, it was the number for pregnancy queries.

I explained my concern and my history, she told me to phone the on call GP for a referral. my voice was wobbling, I was beginning to well up.

I phoned the GP and broke down, G had to take the phone from me and try and translate through my tears. A doctor would call me in 30 minutes.

I lay down and G went to make me some herbal tea. I got out the doppler, heart beat was fine, THANK GOD FOR DOPPLERS. I felt the biggest kick of all which made me jump too.

GP called
'So whats been happening with you then' he said as if talking to a small child.

I went through my history, the blood clot the blood today. The climax of the call resulted in me agreeing there was nothing they could do, if I am going to bleed I am going to bleed. I acknowledged that a scan wouldn't help although would enlighten perhaps the reason for the bleed.


In my head I was weighing up the reasons, and summised it could be a drop in hormones or something, I told the GP I still had some progesterone pessaries and was considering putting one in.

'Well I don't see how that could help' he said in a mumbled sort of I-don't-really-undertand- egg-donation-IVF-and-why-you-would-do-that kind of way.


The problem is with my situation is it is all so up in the air, there is no reason why egg donation can't be a normal pregnancy unless you have a radioactive uterus which you are not sure will stretch that far, radioactive heart and damaged kidneys and no naturally produced hormones.(although hopefully placenta is doing alright)

I thanked the GP for his time, he told me to call straight away if it got worse and so I knew it was down to me to look after myself and do what I felt would be the right thing to do to stop the bleeding, like a little mantra Ruths voice was in my head 'Just pop in a progesterone pessary and see if that helps' I asked G what he thought and he agreed we should do it. So I did.

Guilt ridden for going against the doctor we drove down to the coast to get a blast of sea air. I hoped the pessary would'nt overdose me with progesterone and upset the baby or something.


The bleeding stopped, perhaps it was a drop in progesterone, who knows, I shant do another one unless the bleed comes back, may email Spain if this is the case to see what Ruth thinks, sometimes I feel so lonely in the NHS like abit of a misfit where noone really knows how to help me when things like this happen. Ruth is great though and I know she won't mind me emailing her for advice, she has really been my sanctuary in times of need as well as Great Ormond Street. Having to go through your entire back catalogue of illness and possible problems everytime you phone for help is really hard sometimes, makes you feel like you are wasting peoples time and being a drama queen.


The only thing that worries me is I do have a slight back pain on my left side, I just hope maybe I am growing and that is what caused it, who knows, as long as the little one is alright that is all that matters.


My advice to those venturing on the ED IVF. When you order your prescripton for the cyclogest pessaries do it online for your surgery if you can and always order more than you need so you have a small stash when you finish your first trimester, for red blips.


I do hope this is a blip, I can't let this little one go.


H x