'Modern British Barbie'

Sometimes I wonder if there is a God what his plan is?

This afternoon I went outside to tell some children ( girl 9 boy 5 or 6) to get off the bonnet of my car.

They apologised for playing round my car and buggered off.

I went back in and carried on chatting to my friend who had come over for coffee.

Later, he leaves, and says he thinks he can see a masssive scratch on the bonnet of my car.

I go down and sure enough a massive scratch is there, gauged into the front of my car. I am seething full of rage and march off into the local DSS Zone, on the otherside of our road.

I see the girl playing with some friends, I ask her who scratched my car,

'My bruvver' she said straight away and pointed down the road, I asked her where she lived and she told me without hesitation, I told her I would speak to her mum. I then found the little boy and asked him if he scratched my car. He said no a big boy did it, 'You know' he said 'the big boy with the yellow T shirt, Kyle'.

(by this time G and my friend had followed me to make sure I wasn't going to get bottled by a 5 year old.)

I went over to the 5 year olds house, broken toys littered the front garden/scrub land, plastic containers, tissue strewn everywhere, broken bottles fag butts , mum could here me coming and opened the window carrying a furrowed expression.

'Yes' she said blowing smoke into my face,

The house contained several children of various ages, a toddler was trying to look out the window saying 'hello' unaware of his siblings crime!

I explained I had spoken to two of her children already and that a child had scratched my car, she told me where this Kyle lived and then yelled for her 5 year old to come in.

'Liam get down here now'

She knows, it was her children that did it.

I march back to my house, life is so unfair, these children are vandalising before they are even in secondary school. You don't have to read papers, or watch the news, it is here on my doorstep, the lack of respect for adults, for property, for themselves. They have a whole wood to play in here and they choose to scratch my car for fun.

I can't stand this country sometimes, it is crumbling away into a pile of fag ends, useless lottery tickets and empty cans of super tenants.

Give me a home in Scandanavia any day.