Bleeding Hell.

I am bleeding.

You know that lovely uterus I was talking about a couple of blogs ago, well the cheeky monkey has turned against me, I am very cross with it. It has conformed for the last 3 years, merrily responding to hormones, bleeding when it should, bouncing about in my abdomen content to have cycles generated by horse wee and now, at this crucial time it decides to play silly buggers. 6mg I am on 6 WHOLE MG's of Oestradiol Valereate or whatever you call it, (ladies hormones) and my uterus should not, I reapeat NOT be shedding it's lovely satin sheets just yet, no, no no it should not be shedding at all. It hasn't done this when I was on 2mg for the last 3 years so why should it do it on 6? My uterus has turned against me, telling me who is in control and not to forget it.

Why has this happened? I email Spain from my work pretending to be looking up snowmen on the internet, one of my colleagues sits down next to me, she starts making small talk about planning and I am hoping she is not peering at the computer screen to see my frantic 'I am bleeding' messages to the nurse in Spain.

When I get the reply at home the Nurse just tells me to wait until the scan tomorrow and we can take it from there and then expects me to organise an oestrogen blood test through the NHS in the space of a day? (Er no chance) I leave a message on the WD's answer machine begging for a blood test at his private clinic to see if I am absorbing enough oestrogen.

I thought this was complicated.......it is now.

You got to laugh though haven't you, do you think someone is telling me I shouldn't have a baby? So much effort for just a GO at ED IVF. We haven't even tried yet and we might fail at the first bloody hurdle.

BLOODY, BLOODY HURDLE!

My tummy started cramping it felt like a propar period(I hate that word), the pain is easing slightly like it might twindle, I hope it does, I don't know whether I am delirious, insane, or just plain crazy but I have a sense of amusement about me, is it denial? Is it a nervous breakdown? why aren't I crying with despair at the unfortunate turn of fate that has just occured. I just feel happy not to be working next week, I am sure the pain will come if it does get cancelled, oh yes, it will come. Along with the realisation we have parted with £1,500 just for this to happen.

I just feel so tired of it all now, the battle, the up hill feeling, there never seems to be a summit in sight.

Scan tomorrow, work is covered I can take my time, I think the tears welling up in my eye's as I requested it from my Headmistress indicated to her that it was quite important (either that or I am having a nervous breakdown)

Come on uterus we can do this, WE CAN!