The gun has been fired !!

Donor has started her meds I just got an email from Spain, so the timings remain the same, hooray for the moon, hooray for women. The bank transfer is going to happen immenently and I have a slight twinge of excitement, a rather large portion of which is turning into panic as I realise I have to be scanned on the 9th of Feb and have not had my appointment through from my local hospital, excitable panic is spilling over into worry, I fear it maybe another onslaught of talking myself into the NHS system again. The winking doctor is appearing in my mind, I phone his secretary, of course, it is Friday, there is noone there they are all down the pub at 4pm I expect, how dare they have lives outside of my IVF cycle.

This could mean more time off work, cringe.

I need to leave training early on Tuesday to have my heart looked at!! It has been blasted with so much radiation and chemo they just want to be sure it won't go pop if I do end up with a paella in the oven. Last week I had two days off for the winking doctor, and I am sitting here today with a sore throat thinking why the buggery didn't I drag my aching bones into work. Bugger. Bugger.

I can't lie, this is my problem, I go to these scans and tell them how guilty I feel for using up a resource that hasn't been allocated to me (well I don't really but I don't lie about what we are doing)they get all sniffy and start talking about funding, quite rightly so I suppose, a friend of mine died recently because the Royal Marsden didn't have a back up oscillating ventilator to support his disintegrated lungs (the result of a toxic reaction to the chemo for Testicular Cancer). I have to get everything in perspective, but I am sure that one scan is not going to change that, I pay my taxes I have never claimed benefit, I pay national insurance and always have done. I am a good person, I just need one scan, one tiny little endometrial scan.

I shall send an email to the private clinic run by the WD, just to enquire about a private scan, then surely they would include emailing pictures to Spain and stuff if need be, I would have the option of a light lunch or cream tea with my scan and be given my own towelling robe and they would perform it all after my working day, won't they?

So, 4mg tomorrow, then 6 on the 6th, my bumper pack of folic acid arrived today too.

I now have to enourage the existence of some kind of happy place I can go to that doesn't involve Jamie Oliver and a sturdy work top, that of course is the other place I go to sometimes.

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