What is going on in the NHS? It is truly falling apart and I feel so guilty for asking to be scanned by my local hospital.

I left a training session early today having broken a tooth on one of the courtesy toffees available (typical), I exit in a sly way, my colleague probably thinking I am no longer interested in my job as I keep darting off all of the time. I went for my heart scan, I phone the receptionist who first of all thought I had missed the appointment the other day, then remembered I was that annoying b**** who kept changing her appointment. After entering the hospital car park, already 10 minutes late I am faced with a 5 mile tail back into the public car park. Sod that, perspiration forming on my brow I reverse frantically and head for the staff car park, getting doctors and surgeons to wait for me while I do, possibly the worse piece of parking in my life.

Abandoning my car balancing on a large curb, I race into the building. If Chemo and radiation didn't damage my heart all this IVF prep and organising will. I am cardiogrammed by a handsome doctor, from behind! So weird seeing your heart on a monitor, it looked like a floppy throat thing (the dangly bit at the back) or the valve I could see did, twitching like a fish out of water, amazing that it does that for so long, such dedication, I don't have to do anything, amazing piece of kit!

So my ticker is fine. I give thanks and praise to the doctor for his efforts and then apologise for my hasty exit but I had to rescue my car.

I arrive home frantic about my next dilemma, to get scanned on the 9th, I decide to give up going to my local hospital who's ultrasound department seems largely unmanned most of the time, I have phoned continuously, been there in person, everything it's like a 'ghost town'. I phone the WD's private clinic.

'Hi can I book an ultrasound scan for Friday?'

'Oh hi H yes I got your message of course would, you like to book 3 for £400 we do quite a few ladies who are being treated abroad?'

'Er, not thanks, how much is one?'

'£175'

Surely I should get a free massage with that or something, I book it anyway, and resign myself to the fact I have to go off sick on Friday, SHIT, really don't want to as was off last Friday, have to though, no way round it can't ask for more appointment time off.

Then I decide to give the 'ghost town' one last try. I get through and say how my doctor had referred me over two weeks ago and I still haven't got an appointment (which is true), inside I am feeling like an armed robber raiding two old ladies running a charity shop. I said how it had to be the 9th Feb. The lady apologised and she went to ask her senior

'Yes that's right Barbara, the ladies been waiting over two weeks to get the appointment through, yes, yes oh I see perhaps you could speak to her then'

An elderly lady came to the phone.

'Hello, the problem is you see you have had your appointment, we don't have funding for anymore, most people are allocated funding for one scan every 3 months, you had one on the 15th'

I am so evil, I feel so awful like I am turning off loads of ventilators all at the same time.

'Yes I know, the thing is I had one on the 9th and there was no record of the report that was made so I had another one on the 15th where they found a polyp, then I had a hysteroscopy and a polypectomy the following week' Suddenly I found myself confessing to a whole string of offences.

'This scan was for my lining'

'Yes but we don't have funding for egg donation IVF'

'I know I am sorry, I realise how things are and the lack of funding'

'Lack of, there is none'

'Should I call Dr W (WD) then to discuss it with him do you think?' The head honcho who winks.

'yes perhaps you should and see what he says, oh hang on..........let me have a look and see if you are in the diary'

Suddenly a shaft of light appears on the horizon like a Beacon of hope, her voice had changed to a helpful one.

'You see if you have had a procedure done, then thats different, you would be eligible for one as a follow up, that changes it you see'

OH MY GOODNESS ! I may be able to get an appointment.

'Yes if you come at 11.30am .......you will have to wait, there are only two members of staff scanning that day'

'I don't mind, really I don't mind, I will wait, I will take the day off of work' (bugger).

I thank her perhaps too much, then realise I will have to face an interrogation of the scanner person who will also treat me like a sponging no gooder and will stick the probe in extra hard, like she did last time. I feel so bad, like I am a real con artist.

G's sister is a nurse, she said the local NHS trust has been trying to get them to work a shift for nothing! What is happening to it all, I knew it was bad but not this bad.

I shall probably wake to my car splattered with eggs or something, UV jelly smeared on my windscreen.

Thankgoodness if I go sick Friday, it is half term and the teachers would arrive back in a hopefully, relaxed mood and will forget about my slacking!(as long as there is no more when I get back!!!!).

Sheesh, am looking forward to being able to put my feet up next week, albeit, in stirrups!

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