Welcome to the Hotel California (well Kent actually)

We dined in an almost empty restaurant last night after consuming a bottle of Champagne between us and discussing the possibilities that the future holds, what our ideas of rearing a child are and my idea to start making a history box and book for any future resulting child, photo’s of us on the balcony, sipping champagne, photo’s of the street outside, the sea, the hotel, the clinic, the boats, trying to soak up as much information for them as possible, along with all the bumper pack of hospital correspondence and my medical history.
Family history is so important.

Seems so dangerous to be even thinking like this doesn’t it, to allow ourselves to think so positively, we do still have hope though, at least for now.

G has a hangover, thankfully after the champagne I moved on to water and then peppermint tea in the hotel bar as G tucked into a large beer after consuming half a bottle of red, while watching Flamenco last night. I am so tired in the evenings (which is nothing new) but I wish I could be in more of a holiday mode, to make the most of the facilities. I just want to sleep and not do much and be with my thoughts.

We awoke to an overcast day, which is good, today will be a day of rest for me so that the little tinkers can move in safely after they have been transferred.

My dreams consisted of rehearsing plays and learning lines last night. Unfortunately for me the director decided I wasn’t up to scratch and cast me in some lineless walk on part while everyone else around me had great dancing and singing parts with amazing costumes……..strange how my mind deals with things sometimes, my underlying fear of not being able to make the grade as a pregnant woman/mother is creeping into my psyche, a constant concern that ‘I am not good enough’, mixed with G’s lazy swimmers I guess it would be a miracle if we get a live birth from all of this!

I am a little worried my tummy is aching again, I am just hoping the my uterus is not going to mess about, it has such an important role now and is the star of the show, while I, perspiring with nerves, am in the proverbial wings shouting encouraging words.

The whole malarky of the progesterone pessary in the morning is not very pleasant really, I hope I am absorbing enough hormones.

After a shower I sit by ‘Mobile number 8’ waiting nervously to hear from the clinic, waiting for our allocated transfer slot. Finally it comes at about 11.am ‘Hi H, transfer will be today and your appointment is at 1.30pm, come a little earlier and I will give you the low down on everything’ (or gossip as she calls it, in an attempt to make things light and easy on the ear)
‘Ok see you then’
I can’t think of anything to say and can’t be bothered to make small talk anymore, I am now nervous and typing away at this diary to try and take my mind out of my body and onto the computer!

The phone goes again.

‘Hi H sorry to trouble you again, listen things are going to be a little delayed today, we have a specialist who has come in and is giving the low down on these new 3D 4D scanning machines that were delivered yesterday, so can you come half an hour later rather than you hanging around here you can relax at your place’
I am jittery and immediately feel there is a problem.
‘That’s fine, there isn’t a problem is there?’
‘No, God, no, no problem, we just wouldn’t have a doctor for that time, and I feel we need a doctor somehow, yes a doctor would be good’ she jokes.
‘Oh ok, no problem that’s fine, we’ll see you at 2pm then’
I can hear another phone going off in the background and immediately feel it is the other recipients who are getting the other half of the eggs. I feel slightly uneasy with the fact another couple are sharing our eggs, I wonder how many embryos they had etc, I know I shouldn’t think about it, but can’t help it. I wish they were all ours, imagine that, 16 eggs, think of the spare embryos that we could freeze for future attempts or siblings. Unfortunately for us I don’t think we are ever going to have that opportunity now, even if we manage to get a free go through the WD’s egg sharing scheme in our home town, we would still be doing exactly that, egg sharing.

Well what can we do? Well be thankful I suppose that we even have a chance.

I will be out of action as of 2pm today and may not update until we get home now which is Saturday 17th.

So start placing your bets now……………………..