Only 3 days to go

Well nearly two now........until 12 week mark.

Still along way to trapse, and the path has been rocky in places, couple of pot holes, but in the distance I can see a vision of hope lighting the way like a silent runway, flickering by candle light.

Read DG's blog www.thedrownedgirl.wordpress.com where there are comments made (Waiting for Daisy) about egg donation and the ethics behind the altruistic donor and the 'commercial' option. I can see both sides of the story, positive and negative, my personal choice was to go to Spain, having read article upon article, forum upon forum, eventually it comes down to how, what is available as options, makes you feel.

I personally felt that altruistic donation is the deepest gift available for a woman to do for another woman, for me, a couple of friends had offered (the first of which changed her mind) but something in my being didn't feel right and my instinct had to lead the way, which took me to an article by the observer. www.observer.guardian.co.uk/woman/story/0,,1684149,00.html Makes me feel shallow slightly as the appeal for me was to be away, like on a spa holiday, out of this country, a country that I hadn't had much success in regarding the egg donation process, mainly because the altruistic policy here wasn't for me, I also felt that women who donated anonymously although there was a financial incentive had made a very brave decision and should be financially rewarded for the ordeal which would cover more than a few bus rides to the hospital and back.

This particular clinic came reccomended by a counsellor at Guys Hospital who knew the Nurse Ruth who ran the donation programs which set my mind at rest as to the way that the clinic would work following guidelines, ensuring the wellbeing of all parties involved.

It is a shame but understandable that the whole process is shrouded in such an ethical and moral sludge. Obviously I can say this as I didn't have any eggs, and I guess like the woman in the waiting for Daisy book, felt slightly selfish at wanting to have a child through donor eggs, asking my younger cousin (although 25 not 20) in a desperate attempt to have one tiny gene from my family, but once that option was taken away, whether I had the process done or not in England wasn't important to me, and on reflection I don't think I would of felt happy with the situation eventually should we have gone down that path.

What was important for me was the reputation of the clinic, the success rate, whether the donor was paid ( this in all honesty was important for me, I felt that the women deserved a reward, although I understand and take the commodity issue) I also felt that going abroad, in my mind, seperated me from the donor, selfish again, I suppose, but is what I felt comfortable with.

In all honesty (again) when we first ventured on the DE IVF path my first priority was getting a free go(sounds terrible doesn't it, having had cancer I was entitled to it by the local PCT) but I never felt completely happy with the conditions to my 'free go', as soon as we made the decision to go to Spain, it really felt right, and I could finally feel I was getting somewhere, we had to pay but the process suited us and the feeling for me was good. (although the egg share thing, I am not completely happy about, for a number of reasons, slightly commodity tinged)

It is complicated the more I look at the whole process, anaylise it, pick it to bits, I start to feel alsorts of concerns or guilt as to what is humanly right etc, but why do womens wombs carry other womens donated eggs? why are they not rejcted? (thinking here in my hippy spiritual mode), is it yet another way that nature in some bazaar way compensates for the growing number of infertile people,(yes I know, abit wacky and with no statistics to back up what I just said, and possibly far removed from nature regarding the procedure but it happens.........the process actually works)!(hope I don't regret saying that as could get into a spiralling thought of genetic engineering and alsorts)


The decision I made was right for us, the clinic who work very hard at making peoples lives better by helping them have a child benefitted from our money. The donor was rewarded for their wonderful gift, G and I had a 5 star holiday and came away with a bean in the oven. While we were away we had never been so happy, like we were free from all the stress and anxiety caused by the 3 years of getting nowhere (which I know is nothing compared to many peoples situations and efforts to get pregnant).


Nothing is for certain, and everyone has different feelings about what is right for them, and I think that is the priority, and I am so happy that people like DG and KF have made their decisions which is most definately right for them and to of helped the donation cause by supplying info on their blogs of useful resources to help those on the same road, I think that too is something that lacks in the DE world, decent help and information, even the hospitals here don't really know what to provide their patients regarding what they want to know. Unfortunately I am crap with websites and can't workout how to do the blogroll thing otherwise I would of put everyones on my site too.



Having said all that about Spain, if things go pear shaped we couldn't afford to do it there again, it would be a 'free go' and no doubt I would go for it, and eat all of my words, and if that didn't work we would of paid off the first Spanish loan and then gone for the £10,000 Barcelona 'as many goes as you want in a year' package and when you get to 13 weeks they have fulfilled their contract....... because my desire to be a mother is so strong...................... and that most definately is part of me.